Urban Tribes | Ethan's Top Five

Ethan's Top Five Ways to Build and Maintain an Urban Tribe:

1. Create a weekly ritual. Seeing each other consistently is the way personal communities form. Some tribes meet to watch "The Sopranos," some meet as a book group. For several years my group met every Tuesday night at the same restaurant. It's the simple act of repeatedly getting together as a group that forms the bonds which keep everyone close.

2. Create yearly rituals. Although you might think of this as simply an extension of #1, yearly rituals have a distinctly different purpose than weekly or monthly happenings. Yearly rituals such as throwing a big New Year's Eve party or taking a group trip require planning and coordination. These are times when the tribe can test itself and its members. Will everyone be able to work well together? Will every member share the burden or will some slough off? By challenging itself with grand yearly rituals, the group tests its value and meaning.

3. Don't be possessive of the group by trying to define or control who is in the group and who is not. Although your tribe might have a core membership, healthy tribes have fluid borders. In this way your tribe can give you both emotional shelter while at the same time connecting you to the outside world. By making distinct in/out judgments, you limit the tribe's key function of connecting you to a larger network.

4. Set up e-groups. There are many free and friendly ways to facilitate communication within your group. (I use Yahoogroups but I know there are others). These allow you to easily add and delete people from email lists. My tribe has several lists: One for those who play on the softball team, one for those who want to know where Larry's next gig will be, one for planning the next houseboat trip, etc. Being able to quickly spread information and ideas within the group is one of the distinct aspects of these modern groupings.

5. Create a culture that celebrates the achievements of individuals. Competition and jealousy are tribe killers.

Email this to a friend

More on the above topic can be found in chapter 8: "Love Versus The Tribe."

-----

The complete list of Ethan's Top Five!

Ethan's Top Five Things to Tell Your Parents When You Are Still Single at Age 30 (or 35, or 40)

Ethan's Top Five Reasons To Be Happy about the Prospect of Being an Older Parent

Ethan's Top Five Reasons Why Cupid Still Has a Pulse on College Campuses

Ethan's Top Five Reasons Why a Marriage Delayed Is a Marriage Improved

Ethan's Top Five Reasons Why Being in an Urban Tribe Is Bad for Your Love Life

Ethan's Top Five Frustrations Women Express about Men They've Begun to Date

Ethan's Top Five Things Urban Tribes Should Avoid